My life has a superb cast… but I can’t figure out the plot.

Even though it technically wasn’t cheating, she dumped me anyway! So I tell Bret, and he’s like “She sounds just like my crazy ex.” And I was like, “Dude, what was her name?” and it was the same girl. I swear, if they made my life into a movie, no one would believe it.
Yeah, though mostly because of the poorly-written dialogue and unlikeable main character.
Graphic 2 thanks to xkcd!